


Look But Don't Touch

by thegingermidget



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F, Masturbation, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-02
Updated: 2018-01-02
Packaged: 2019-02-27 11:48:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,091
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13247607
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thegingermidget/pseuds/thegingermidget
Summary: Lena admits to Sam over drinks that she might be in love with Kara. When she's alone, Lena imagines what it might be like to tell Kara how she really feels.





	Look But Don't Touch

The bar was only slightly crowded when Lena walked in. It was easy enough to find Sam, looking only slightly out of place sitting alone on a barstool. The other woman’s face burst into a smile, happy that her friend was here and that she was no longer feeling awkward and alone. They were almost of an age, but whereas Lena was perpetually single and an heiress, Sam was a single mother. It had been a while since Sam had frequented places like this.

The click of her heels as she walked cheered her on. Lena might have been more capable of going out for drinks, but that didn’t mean she did it very often. Sam gave her an appreciative once-over as she walked up to the open seat at the bar. Lena had opted for long black dress pants and a dangerously high heel. She liked to think she made it look effortless.

Lena ordered a shot and a drink. She clinked her highball glass against Sam’s glass of red wine.

“I can’t believe we finally got out to do this,” said Sam, already feeling a bit more chatty than usual. “You never get out of the office and I actually got a babysitter so that I could go out for drinks.” She sounded like she had won a major victory and Lena supposed she had. Lena tipped her shot glass to Sam in salute before downing it. The burn going down was nothing terrible and her smile felt a little bit more genuine afterward.

Sam laughed when Lena ordered another. “You’re crazy. I’m not even going to try to keep up with you. Long day at the office?” The question was a joke, but Lena felt like answering.

“Long day at the offices,” she started, emphasizing the last syllable. She took a slow sip of her cocktail. “But you know all about that.”

With one eyebrow cocked, as though she was about to play detective, Sam studied her. “Something is definitely wrong with you though. Spill it,” she ordered and then laughed realizing she was talking to her boss.

“Nothing is wrong with me. I’m fine,” Lena lifted her chin imperiously as if to prove it.

“So it’s personal then,” said Sam. She might not have made the best detective, but she had a nose for other people’s drama. Usually, it made her a good friend, but when in the wrong mood it became irritating very quickly.

“Absolutely not, we are not talking about this tonight.” She tried to sound light-hearted but was worried she had missed the mark. Sam didn’t appear to have noticed. Lena downed her second shot of the night just to be sure. Maybe she was being too uptight.

Sam pouted and it made her seem younger than she usually did. It was a girlish thing to do, but it instantly achieved its goal in making Lena smile, or at least smirk a little.

“Come on,” said Sam. “If we don’t start talking about our personal lives how can we ever move onto the next step of any great girls’ night out?”

“And what does that next step entail?”

“Dancing and flirting with cute guys,” said Sam, who took a sip of her drink. “Honestly, if I didn’t know any better I would say you were the single mother, not me.” She knew how ridiculous she looked saying that, but didn’t seem to mind.

“I’ve never really been one for dancing,” said Lena, hoping that their night never headed in that direction.

“Well, that is just a lie. Those legs were clearly made for it.”

Lena tried not to think of the years of ballet she’d done in her childhood. She had loved dancing once, but she’d grown out of it. She had never really found the right partner.

“We’ve gone off topic though,” said Sam. She made her way back to the subject Lena had hoped they had left for good. Lena wasn’t a terrible actress; she could pretend to have fun for her friend. “What has got you so upset? Are you seeing anyone?”

She tried not to be surprised by such a direct line of questioning. “No, I’m not-”

“But the look on your face clearly says boy trouble. We haven’t really talked about your dating life, have we? Maybe Kara will know something when she gets here. She’s still coming, right?”

Heat rose in her cheeks before she answered. Perhaps Sam would mistake it for the alcohol. “No, I saw her this morning and she said she had to cancel. Something came up.”

“Oh…” Sam drew the syllable out long and knowingly. Lena had been found out, at least partially. “I see. This has to do with Kara, but you are way too moody for it to just be that your best friend canceled on you. My company is not that bad.”

Some Luthor part of Lena’s brain refuted that. “I’m fine. Can we please stop talking about it?”

“Ha!” Lena jumped slightly at that. “You just called it an ‘it’ which means that ‘it’ is a thing, which means something is going on and you know it.” Lena was fairly certain she was not drunk yet, but it took a moment to follow Sam’s logic. “Just talk to me, okay? I want to be a good friend here.”

Lena bit her lip slightly. She almost pitied Sam for a moment there. Raising a child all alone must have left her without the chance to be a good friend to anyone. This was her first night out in the longest time with the closest thing to a friend she had. Lena tried not to pity her even more at that.

“Fine, just… okay,” Lena broke down her carefully constructed borders at last. She tried not to put them back up when she saw Sam’s excited grin. “I… You want to know why I never talk about dating? I haven’t dated anyone seriously in a while mostly because I’m... well...”

Sam looked as though she was trying desperately not to seem so excited. She kept a very serious look on her face, but her persistently tapping toe gave her curiosity away. Lena tried to ignore it. Maybe it would be good for her to actually talk this out with someone. She realized as she started, that she had never really said the word ‘lesbian’ out loud before, not even to herself.

“I realized a while ago that I prefer women to men.” Sam’s serious composure dropped and her mouth rounded into an ‘o’. “But I haven’t really come out to anyone just yet… and it’s not really easy to find someone to date when you’re in the position that I am. Dating women requires a bit more work and I never seem to have the time.” Or the desire, she added mentally. She hated the idea of opening herself up like that, going out alone all vulnerable and innocent. It was far easier to just not go out and talk to people than to do it.

“Okay,” started Sam. Lena could hear the questions in her voice long before she asked them. “What does this have to do with…” It was almost possible to see the dots being connected in her head. Lena braced for impact. “Oh my gosh. Oh, sweetie.”

Sam became instantly maternal which was infinitely worse than the party-girl Sam she had tried to play before. She reached over to hug Lena and with a fake smile, Lena let her. It felt better than she had wanted it to feel.

“And Kara? Does she know?”

Lena grimaced. “I might not have the best intuition about these things, but she appears to be straight as a board.”

“Appearances aren’t everything as you well know. Have you ever said anything?” Lena had to assume this was exactly how Sam parented Ruby. Sam tried to teach a lesson and promote action when she gave advice. It felt overly didactic and for a moment Lena was a stubborn teenager being lectured by her mother. Though, this too, she didn’t hate as much as she should have.

“Of course, I haven’t said anything. She’s… Kara is my best friend. Maybe even the first real friend I’ve ever had. I could never tell her I have… feelings for her.”

Sam let Lena go and put her hand to her lips. “Oh my gosh, you love her don’t you.”

“I wouldn’t go that far,” said Lena, defensive once again.

“I would.” Sam finished what must have been her second glass of wine since Lena had walked in. Lena hadn’t even noticed her ordering a second one. ”Look, I can’t tell you what to do, but I think talking about it will make you feel better. Maybe it has already.” Lena wasn’t so sure about that. She didn’t feel better necessarily, but maybe a little lighter. “You two are such close friends, I think even just telling her you’re gay would be a step in the right direction.”

Lena considered that as she gazed into her empty glass. “Maybe you’re right,” she conceded.

She begged for them to talk about something, anything else after that. Things between them were better for the rest of the night. They talked about little things: the latest gossip at Ruby’s school, the last episode of that cheesy drama Sam had convinced Lena to watch, celebrities. Lena could tell that Sam was trying desperately not to steer the conversation back to what Lena had just confessed. Lena didn’t have any experience in coming out but she could tell that Sam wanted to ask things like, when did you know you were a lesbian, have you ever been with a girl, what celebrities do you think are hot? Maybe Lena would answer those questions another night. She liked to think that she would.

They didn’t move onto the next phase of Sam’s girls’ night out plan, but they both had a pretty good time. Lena found herself a bit more plastered than she had planned on getting. After dropping Sam off in the cab, Lena found herself telling the driver to head to her office instead of her apartment. It was just as well, she had spent enough nights there that it would hardly be uncomfortable.

There was a night watchman who tipped his cap at her and dismissed the slight waver in her step as she made her way to the elevator. She met no one else on her way up to her office and was glad. In all likelihood, she was a bit of a mess and too inebriated to care.

Lena collapsed onto the couch with a sigh. It hadn’t been a bad night at all, probably even good for her when all was said and done. She had pitied Sam before for not being able to go out and live her life the way she might want to, for not having adult friends and for not going out for drinks the way young women might be expected to, but Lena was just as guilty. She had needed tonight every bit as much as Sam.

Her hand slipped past the waistband of her pants. She didn’t do this terribly often either, but she supposed tonight called for it. Her two fingers found her clitoris and circled it on either side. Perhaps it had been too long.

She removed her hand to unbutton her pants and give herself better access. Why not? She decided. Better to do it right than halfway.

Her fingers set a steady pace and her mind began to wander. She had looked so good tonight. When she had settled on the heels, she had known exactly what she was doing. She wanted someone to look at her in those shoes and those pants that made her ass look like that and appreciate it. If she was more honest with herself, she wanted Kara to see her looking like that and appreciate her. Was that too much to ask?

She found herself playing a similar game when she dressed for work in the morning, especially on those mornings when she knew she was headed to CatCo or might run into Kara at some point. Would she like this? Is this good enough?

Lena let out a quiet moan at the thought of Kara looking at her that way, eyes lingering just a little too long, biting her lip at the corner, maybe looking away shyly when she knew she’d been caught. Lena had been far too careful to have ever been caught looking at Kara that way. Their friendship was everything to her, even if she desperately wished for more.

She knew James had definitely caught her before, whether he knew it or not. There were times when she had looked up from staring someplace she shouldn’t only to lock eyes with the man. Or he might run into her just after she’d been speaking with Kara only to find her absent-minded, which was not like her usually.

Part of Lena wished Kara would catch her looking fondly at her, the star-eyed face she had caught in the mirror before. Some days, even being found out seemed better than eternally not knowing. Maybe there was a possibility Kara could feel the same or even simply not hate her for harboring a crush for so long. Sometimes it seemed like there could be a chance.

She remembered some of the times they had sat here on this couch together. Lena tried not to pretend she could smell her perfume on the couch still. That was silly. Kara let Lena in so close. They were best friends, and yet there had been times when Lena could have sworn they could be more. She let her hand rest on Kara’s thigh or Kara would lean in a little too close and smile at her the way no one ever had.

Lena imagined Kara’s hand on her thigh as she continued. Her own hand tried to mimic the idea of it.

Next week she would meet Kara for coffee before work, just as she had done this morning. It was a habit they had gotten into and neither of them had ever missed it. Lena had suggested they meet once a week for coffee when they realized they enjoyed each other’s company and that Kara couldn’t just keep writing articles about her in order to get them to meet. When Lena first proposed it over text, Kara said it was a date.

Kara hadn’t meant it like that, Lena knew, but she still felt warm inside at the thought of it.

She imagined walking into their coffee shop tomorrow morning, running just a few minutes late as usual. Meeting with Kara in the morning meant that Lena put a bit of extra effort into her appearance. She supposed Kara probably thought she was chronically late. Lena was persistently late when it involved meeting with Kara, but was impeccably prompt in everything else.

Kara would have gotten there right at seven and ordered for both of them. Lena would, despite her best efforts, arrive five minutes later and hand her five dollars because tomorrow was her turn to pay. Kara would roll her eyes at the sight of the money but take it anyway knowing at this point that there was no point to refusing.

Lena wasn’t a morning person, but meeting Kara always seemed to make her day better. She had a brightness to her that made her outshine everyone else. Even when she herself was upset, she never let anyone know. She couldn’t bear the thought of burdening someone else with a problem she thought she could solve herself. Lena thought she was a little bit like that too.

When it got to be time to head to work, they would wander outside, both a little reluctant to go. They would bundle up in their coats, gloves, and scarves. The winter chill had set in but the coffee and company would keep them warm. Kara’s cheeks turned rosy in the cold, adorable underneath her glasses. Kara would link arms with Lena, pulling her close in order to keep warm. Lena would take a sip of her drink, trying to hide a smile.

Lena groaned, frustrated even with her imaginary self. Her back arched on the couch. She rolled her hips to get a better angle.

She decided to imagine something different.

When Kara pulled her in closer, she huddled against her for a moment. They walked to the corner where they always split off to head to their own offices. Lena felt a surge of emotion and stopped before they reached it. Kara stopped too and looked up at her in surprise. One look into those open, curious eyes was enough. Lena leaned forward and kissed her.

Even in a dream, she had meant it to be quick, something she could shrug off later if she had too. Fantasy-Kara leaned in to meet her though, catching her lips in hers. What was supposed to be quick and breathless became something more, slow and sweet and beautiful.

It was over too quickly. Both of them were red-faced and out of breath.

“I’ve wanted to do that for such a long time,” said Lena. That was probably the only thing she would be able to say if such a thing ever managed to happen in real life.

“We should have done it sooner,” answered Kara, who didn’t look disgusted or scared or any of the other horrible things Lena typically thought would cross Kara’s face if she ever grew bold enough to kiss her.

Lena’s imagination moved to her office. She imagined that from there they couldn’t possibly go to work. How could she focus on progress reports and prototypes when she had moments ago kissed Kara Danvers? They would go to her office, close enough and private for them. She told Kara to head into her office for a moment while she told her secretary to cancel her appointments and not to disturb them. Her secretary’s face flushed red initially, but she gave Lena a quick wink before she left. Even her secretary knew how completely besotted she was.

Inside her office, Kara would sit perched on Lena’s desk. In her imagination, it was covered in more stacks of paper than she ever let accumulate in real life, but somehow made what she was about to do even hotter.

She crossed the room in her dangerous heels and kissed Kara again. Her fingers gathered in Kara’s long blonde hair. It wasn’t just that she was kissing Kara, at last, it was that Kara was kissing back. There was an equal maybe even greater passion bottled up in the woman she had had her eye on for so long. That in itself was intoxicating.

She tipped Kara back until she was lying across the desk, pushing papers off onto the floor with complete disregard.

“I love you,” said Lena. Why hold back anymore? This was a fantasy she might as well live it to the fullest. “Oh my gosh, I really do.” The realization of what Sam had told her at the bar surprised her. She had never thought it could be true nor that she would ever have the chance to say it to Kara Danvers.

Lena’s breath had become heavy. She was so close. Very few scenarios had ever made her feel this way. This fantasy felt solid and visceral. Worked up in the moment as she was, she stopped thinking about whether or not it was possible and thought about how it would feel if it were real.

She slid two fingers into herself to change the sensation. If she was going all the way with this, she was going to do it right.

The scene in her mind shifted. Perhaps this took place a few days into the future of this enticing fiction. She and Kara were locked in a passionate embrace as they stood in the elevator headed to Lena’s office. Lena could almost feel the heat of Kara’s body on hers and she rolled her hips against her. Kara had just finished placing a hickey just above the collar of her dress for everyone to see.

They had almost reached Lena’s floor and broke apart for a moment as if to prepare themselves to be seen. The reflection in the mirror made it clear that when they stepped out it would be very clear to everyone what they had been doing. Both of them laughed at the sight of their disheveled hair. Lena straightened Kara’s now visible bra strap.

Kara made Lena wait outside the office for just a moment. She stood steps away from her secretary waiting for Kara to buzz the intercom and let Lena know when to enter. Lena tried to hide the smirk on her face from her secretary. That young woman had probably seen some things since the two of them became an item. Perhaps she was used to their antics.

The secretary rolled her eyes when Kara told Lena to come in. Lena liked to think the woman had caught them once or twice before but was happy for them all the same.

Lena nearly stepped on something as soon as she entered and shut the door behind her: a kitten heel, one Kara had been wearing when she had gone in. It was followed by its pair and then a set of tights, a pencil skirt, a blush colored blouse, a set of lace panties and a matching bra. Her eyes followed the trail all the way to Kara standing dauntless and nude in front of her floor to ceiling windows. The room was dark and she was a silhouette backlit by skyscrapers and the bright day outside.

Instantly, she was excited and blushing. “Kara, someone might see you.” She didn’t bother whispering, but it felt like she should have. The idea of it was positively wicked.

“Good, they might be in for a show,” said Kara, far bolder than Lena had ever seen her, but just as brave as Lena knew she could be.

Lena stepped up to her. Her hands found Kara’s hips and embraced every part of her. “You are so beautiful,” she murmured, unable to stop herself and glad she didn’t have to stop. She could tell Kara just how beautiful, kind, and wonderful she was whenever she wanted to here. This version of herself and this version of Kara could tell each other anything. “Why are you still wearing these?” Her hands went to Kara’s glasses. She was amused by the idea that Kara would keep them on even during sex. In real life, she had never seen Kara without them.

Kara shrugged off the question. “I want to see you when I make you mine.”

Even thinking the words sent a thrill through Lena. “I’ve always been yours.” And it really was as simple as that.

Lena’s whole body tensed when she reached her peak. The fantasy she never let herself have made her orgasm better than any she had felt before. Her breath was short and tight as that wave of feeling took over.

It was over in a moment and Lena laid there on her couch feeling uniquely satisfied before that too faded. When that was over she was left wet, over-stimulated, and almost sober.

She took off her pants entirely and went over to the wide windows behind her desk where Kara had stood naked in her imagination. This felt a little bit like that, just as bold and forbidden, but achingly lonely as she looked out over the dark city.

Lena hadn’t been thinking about anything in particular as she stood there. She felt a sort of calm emptiness after it all. She hardly noticed when her phone lit up with a text.

It was from Kara. Lena almost didn’t want to look at it. The thought of her was almost too painful even now.

_I’m sorry about today. It was such a big surprise and I’m afraid I acted badly. As you can see I’m still awake at 3 am because I can’t stop thinking about you. Do you want to meet for coffee again tomorrow? I think we need to talk_

Lena looked away from the phone in her hand, unsure what to feel and afraid to feel anything that might resemble hope.

_Sure,_ was all sent in return. She didn’t think she would get any sleep tonight.

 

**Author's Note:**

> This 4k of pining happened very quickly. Thank you so much for reading and definitely let me know what you think! You can find me on tumblr [@keep-on-leggin](https://keep-on-leggin.tumblr.com/)


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